Category: Forwarded e-Mail

Jun 09 2008

Action

Improve your vehicle’s fuel consumption – by as much as 40% – by changing the way you currently drive. There is a catch, though. You’ll no longer qualify as a Malaysian driver…
Link to this artcle: http://www.tvsmith.net.my/duasen/130505_fuel.html
1. Pump More Here & Pump Less There
Don’t wait until your car senget one side before inflating your tyres. Low tyre pressure forces your engine to work and drink harder. Driving on underinflated tyres also reduces the life of the tyres. A lose-lose situation.

2. Dig Your Nose
Digging your nose is more economical than gunning your engine while waiting at traffic lights. Jack rabbit starts cost you even more. Never floor the pedal unless there’s an express bus looming in your rearview mirror. Learn how to accelerate (and brake) smoothly for better fuel efficiency.

3. Pay It Again Sam
You may be using an alternative toll-free road as a sign of protest or as a means of saving money. If the the old route is perpetually congested and longer, you may end up burning more fuel than the toll saved. Sad but often true.

4. Go Look Stop
Are you one of those who frequently get stuck behind a stalled vehicle, crash into road humps or potholes? If you look further than 3 meters while driving, you can better anticipate obstacles and avoid fuel guzzling start-stop situations. Good reason not to tailgate too.

5. Make Up Your Mind
I don’t know if it’s kiasuness or indecisiveness that makes people drive with the other foot riding the brake pedal. A slight touch might not be noticeable to you but it strains the engine, wears out your brakes prematurely and confuses the poor driver behind. Make sure your handbrake is down all the way too.
Link to this artcle: http://www.tvsmith.net.my/duasen/130505_fuel.html
6. Get Rid Of Freeloaders

The less passengers the less weight. The less load the better the fuel economy. If you want to car pool, pool the cost. Clear your boot by removing unutilised items like golf sets, prams, barbecue sets, scuba gear, etc.

7. Bear With Crow Shit
Park your car under the shade wherever possible. The hotter your car interior becomes, the harder the air-conditioning needs to work later, the more fuel the engine consumes as a result. The hot sun also increases fuel loss through evaporation.

8. Stay Safe & Save
Fuel consumption jumps dramatically after a certain speed. Keeping to the speed limit saves you more than traffic fines. Driving at 120 kph, rather than 100 kph, may increase fuel consumption by another 25 percent. The dangers of speeding far outweigh the travel time saved.

9. Get A Life
Stop pissing off your neighbours in the mornings and do yourself a favour. Most modern cars have no chokes or carburetors, so there’s no need for long, noisy engine warm- ups. Hard revving a cold engine kills it faster than driving it.

10. Let The Bugger Go
There’s no need to catch up with an offending driver just to show a finger or fist. You end up either paying more for fuel or a hefty hospital bill.

11. Learn From Your Mistakes
If your wife or girlfriend says she needs to pop into a warehouse sale for a quick look-see, find a parking spot and turn off the engine. Long idling wastes fuel and pollutes the environment.
Link to this artcle: http://www.tvsmith.net.my/duasen/130505_fuel.html
12. Don’t Be A Drag Queen
Remove that empty showoff roof rack or that ugly ill-designed Ah Beng spoiler as it causes unnecessary drag. Smoking with your windows down at cruising speed also increases drag. Newer cars (except the Juara) are aerodynamically designed for fuel efficiency. Stop adding unnecessary external accessories such as jutting elbows.

13. Meter The Meter
Keep track of your car’s fuel consumption by monitoring the odometer or tripmeter. A sudden drop may mean mechanical problems. Timely oil change and other maintenance can save you significant amount of fuel.

14. Try A Different Nasi Lemak
All petrol are the same except for the additives and advertising. Contrary to what most Malaysians believe, you can mix your fuel. There’s really no need to waste fuel by driving out of the way just to fill up your favourite brand and redemption card.
Link to this artcle: http://www.tvsmith.net.my/duasen/130505_fuel.html
15. Get A New Boss

Use online banking or find a better employer. Stop driving to an ATM every hour just to check whether your salary is in.

source: http://www.tvsmith.net.my/duasen/130505_fuel.html

Apr 02 2008

Lessons

LESSON 1
A junior manager, a senior manager and their boss are on their way to a  meeting. On their way through a park, they come across a wonder lamp. They rub  the lamp and a ghost appears.

The ghost says, “Normally, one is granted three wishes but as you are three, I will allow one wish each”

So the eager senior manager shouted, “I want the first wish. I want to be in the Bahamas , on a fast boat and have no worries.” Pfufffff, and he was gone.

Now the junior manager could not keep quiet and shouted “I want to be In Florida with beautiful girls, plenty of food and cocktails.” Pfufffff, and he Was also gone.

The boss calmly said, “I want these two idiots back in the office after lunch at 12.35pm.”

MORAL OF THE STORY IS: “ALWAYS ALLOW THE BOSSES TO SPEAK FIRST”

LESSON 2
Standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand.

“Listen,” said the CEO, “this is a very sensitive and important document, and my secretary has left. Can you make this thing work?”

“Certainly,” said the young executive.

He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.

“Excellent, excellent!” said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the shredder machine. “I just need one copy.”

MORAL OF THE STORY IS – NEVER, NEVER ASSUME THAT YOUR BOSS KNOWS EVERYTHING.

LESSON 3
An American and a Japanese were sitting on the plane on the way to LA. When the American turned to the Japanese and asked, “What kind of -ese are you?”

The Japanese confused, replied, “Sorry but I don’t understand what you mean.”

The American repeated, “What kind of -ese are you?” Again, the Japanese was confused over the question.

The American, now irritated, then yelled, “What kind of -ese are you … Are you a Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese!, etc……??? ”

The Japanese then replied, “Oh, I am a Japanese.”

A while later the Japanese turned to the American and asked What kind Of ‘key’ was he.

The American, frustrated, yelled, “What do you mean what kind of -kee’ am I ?!”

The Japanese said, “Are you a Yankee, donkee, or monkee?”

MORAL OF THE STORY IS – NEVER INSULT ANYONE.

LESSON 4
There were these 4 guys, a Russian, a German, an American and a French, who found this small genie bottle. When they rubbed the bottle, a genie appeared. Thankful that the 4 guys had released him out of the bottle,

He said, “Next to you all are 4 swimming pools, I will give each of you A wish. When you run towards the pool and jump, you shout what you want the pool of Water to become, then your wish will come true.”

The French wanted to start. He ran towards the pool, jumped and shouted”WINE” . The pool immediately changed into a pool of wine. The Frenchman was so  Happy swimming and drinking from the pool.

Next is the Russian’s turn, he did the same and shouted, “VODKA” and Immersed himself into a pool of vodka.

The German was next and he jumped and shouted, “BEER”. He was so Contented with his beer pool.

The last is the American. He was running towards the pool when suddenly He steps on a banana peel. He slipped towards the pool and shouted, “SHIT!!!!!!! ……… ”

MORAL OF THE STORY IS – THINK TWICE BEFORE YOU SAY SOMETHING, BECAUSE SOMETIMES ACCIDENTS DO HAPPEN.

LESSON 5
The organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was In charge. Each organ took a turn to speak up:

Brain……. .. I should be in charge because I run all body functions.
Blood……. . I should be in charge because I circulate oxygen for the brain.
Stomach… I should be in charge because I process food to the brain.
Legs…….. . I should be in charge because I take the brain where it  Wants to go.
Eyes……… . I should be in charge because I let the brain see where it’s going.
Asshole….. I should be in charge because I get rid of your waste.

All the other parts laughed so hard and this made the asshole very mad.
To prove his point, the asshole immediately slammed tightly closed and
Stayed that way for 6 days, refusing to rid the body of any waste whatsoever.

Day 1 – Brain got a terrible headache and cried out for relief
Day 2 – Stomach got bloated and began to ache terribly
Day 3 – Legs got cramps and became unstable
Day 4 – Eyes became watery and vision became blurred
Day 5 – Blood became toxic and poisoned the body
Day 6 -The other organs agreed to let the asshole be in charge.

MORAL OF THE STORY: NO MATTER WHO YOU ARE, OR HOW IMPORTANT YOU THINK  YOU ARE, YOU WILL FIND THAT IT IS ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE THAT IS IN CHARGE.

source: fwded email from rizzat tQ